We didn’t have much while I was growing up. My parents split up when my sister and I were younger, and my mom shouldered the brunt of responsibility making sure we always had what we needed.
Don’t get me wrong. When I say we didn’t have much, I am speaking about material things that other people take for granted. We always had plenty of love, a roof over our heads, food on the table, and all of the essentials we may have needed. We were not poor, at least I don’t think we were. If we were, our mom sure never let us feel that way.
The one thing my mother always provided better than anyone else I have (or ever will) meet is guidance and the one lesson she taught me more than any other was to stand up for my principles. If we are not willing to stand up for our own principles, who else is going to do it? How can we hold others accountable if we do not hold ourselves accountable for our own actions?
I’ve made my fair share of mistakes in life, but the one thing I have never wavered on is standing on my principles. I have faced many obstacles over the years, some with great results, others not so much, but I have facced each of those outcomes with honor and acceptance because I know I have stayed true to who I am, and I have never compromised my principles.
With that said, make sure you read my previous post, An Open Letter To Kathleen Fasanella, before you read any further. If you haven’t read it, the remainder of this post will make little to no sense, and the whole experience will be similar to reading the end of the book first.
First, I want to present a couple additional facts about my wife’s experience at the Fashion Incubator yesterday.
As I said in the original post, Gidget discovered a discussion thread that she previously had never seen. She pulled up the thread and read it. She was shocked at some of the discussion and she replied, publicly, in the thread that what had happened was a shame but that she now understood why a member of the forum was no longer participating. Her response was completely on-topic and relevant to the conversation.
It wasn’t too long after posting her response that Gidget received a reply to her comment, in private, from Kathleen Fasanella, the owner of the Fashion Incubator website. Her reply to Gidget read (and I quote),
“I’d rather we didn’t get into a lot of controversy. J is still a member in good standing and you’re free to contact him. He is welcome to return at his discretion. I think he would be surprised at the warm reception he would get.”
That was her entire reply to my wife. There was nothing more included in the response, and within moments, the public reply that Gidget made was deleted from the forum. That is a fact. A fact that Fasanella admits in comments she made over at Gidget’s blog, All Sewn Up.
You can read the entire comment thread if you wish, but if you’ll bear with me, I am going to highlight some of that comment thread here on my blog to set the record straight and to make sure that people know what’s really going on here.
First of all, my wife’s announcement that she was leaving the Fashion Incubator forum, along with her post on her blog, was personal. It was a personal, professional decision. Fasanella was caught red-handed deleting posts from the Fashion Incubator forum. In a response she left on the forum, which she was kind enough to copy and paste at All Sewn Up, Fasanella writes,
Wow Gidget, call me confused! I emailed you beforehand explaining I wanted to delete your comment (the only off topic one) and I thought we were good. I don’t understand why you didn’t say so.
You read her reply to Gidget above. In that reply (the only reply Gidget received) Fasanella never mentioned deleting a comment. She never emailed Gidget. She sent a private message in the forum, not an email as she is attempting to make people believe. She goes on to state,
That seems like back biting to me. With all the personalized help I’ve given you, emails, phone convos, even getting you jobs etc
When it comes to “personalized help”, I’m not sure 10-12 random emails over the course of four years would constitute anything personalized, unless she means that her name was stamped at the top of the email, but then again, isn’t everyone’s email “personalized”? I don’t know who she speaks with when she picks up the phone but she has never spoken to my wife over the telephone, not once, so there were no “convos”. I’ll address the “getting you jobs” quote further down in this post, you don’t want to miss it, it’s really good. Now back to the subject at hand, the deleted post.
While it is her prerogative as owner of the Fashion Incubator forum to delete any posts she feels like deleting, it is also Gidget’s prerogative to choose not to associate with someone who chooses to censor what she has to say in a public forum where she was simply participating in the discussion at hand, even if it was approximately two months old.
Fasanella goes on to state on true fact. She writes,
To avoid problems, it is probably best to only say what you know to be certain. For example, you said “because no doubt it will be deleted – as I find most are:”, how do you know most are? How can you know that? You can’t.
She’s absolutely right. We don’t know how many posts she has deleted, we have no idea if most are, if some are, but we do know, for a fact, that she has deleted posts, she admitted it herself. That’s precedent if you ask me. Thank goodness we all agree on that, huh?
As I said before, Gidget’s decision to leave the Fashion Incubator was based on the fact that Kathleen Fasanella has made it personal by deleting that post. Now, she is calling my wife’s character into question and issuing veiled threats. Because of this, it’s now personal, to me. She states,
Are you sure you want to go toe to toe legally over something I can prove?
Who’s wanting to go toe to toe with her, and legally at that? Until today, my wife was simply upset that Kathleen Fasanella deleted the post on the Fashion Incubator forum. Fasanella does not deny deleting the post. Why would legalities come into the picture? Is this some sort of threat on Fasanella’s part? Maybe she brought up the whole toe thing because she’s been busy planting her own foot in her mouth? She continues,
Like I said, I understand you are upset altho I do not know why (there’s something else going on) but if you’re slanderous and libelous making unsubstantiated claims, it’s easy to have your host pull the site which is kind of a waste of everyone’s time. Say all kinds of horrible things about me you know are true, lord knows I have plenty of sins but back off what you cannot prove.
I think we all, as adults, know the definitions of slander and libel, but just in case, I thought I would post them here.
According to Webster’s the definition of slander is,
the utterance of false charges or misrepresentations which defame and damage another’s reputation.
Webster’s also states that libel is,
a written or oral defamatory statement or representation that conveys an unjustly unfavorable impression
There was no slander, there was no libelous “unsubstantiated claims”. Post(s) have been deleted. No one can be sure how many may have been deleted, but Fasanella herself admits to deleting the post. Of course, Gidget’s web host would take that into account if the accusation was ever presented to them. Oh wait. With all the excitement, I almost forgot. I AM her web host. Yes, it’s true. Nepotism runs amuck in our household. My wife hosts all of her websites with my company, Aria Interactive, on my server(s). I can guarantee with Fasanellas admission that she deleted the post, I (or any other web host) would never “pull” anyone’s site, let alone my wife’s for claiming she had done so.
She accuses my wife of acting “Irrationally” because she chose to call her out for what she did. She insinuates that “there’s something else going on” because my wife decided she wasn’t going to take the striking of her post laying down like a lap dog. I don’t know what world Kathleen Fasanella lives in, but here in the real world we call that character, we call that honesty, and most of all, we call that standing on principle.
Let me apologize now for the length of this post, as I did not intend to post a line by line assessment of Kathleen Fasanella’s comments, but as I read farther down into the comment thread at All Sewn Up, it because obvious that she is attempting to sabotage my wife professionally.
Let’s continue with the commment she left on All Sewn Up, and get to that “getting you jobs” statement she was so bold to make way up there in the beginning.
Speaking of slamming, did I tell a soul about that last contract job you did? I helped you get that job. Sarah came to me for a referral of you and I said she could trust you. That you ruined the whole lot, Sarah lost out and I looked bad for recommending you. But did I slam you? No, until this moment, I haven’t mentioned it to a soul.
For the record, “that last contract job” Gidget had was not the project for Sarah M, known to me as “the contract job from hell from a designer who didn’t know shit about what she was doing”. Gidget has had several other projects, some that might even make Kathleen Fasanella wish she hadn’t deleted that post.
The job she references was a fiasco from day one. The designer never sent Gidget a proper sample with binding. Gidget made it clear to the designer from day one that the binding might be an issue, because as it turns out, she (the designer) had sent a totally inappropriate fabric to be used as the binding. Gidget made it clear to the designer that she had never done this type of work before, but the designer chose to work with her on the project.
When Gidget received the materials for the project, the designer had failed to send the required yardage so the start of the project was delayed. Once she had all the materials, Gidget sent her cutouts to the embroiderer, whom Gidget paid for his work. Because of the binding fiasco, I took Gidget to a couple local fabric stores to purchase alternative fabrics that might work as the binding (with the designers knowledge, but not to her expense).
The binding simply was not working because the design of the product was insufficient. Gidget knew then that she would not be able to finish the project with the equipment (and fabrics) she had on hand, so she packaged up the entire project, along with a check refunding the $100 deposit made by Sarah M. There was a week remaining before the due date for the project so Gidget sent the package overnight (at a cost of $84) along with a note that all of the materials had been put together, the sleep masks simply needed to have the binding attached and they would be complete.
So let’s review. Sarah M, the designer who never supplied a proper sample, contracted Gidget to produce some sleep masks for her. Gidget calculated the required amount of fabric and binding and did not receive the required amount with the first shipment from the designer. Gidget went out of her way to make the design work to no avail.
Gidget spent $50 on different fabrics (in hopes of making the binding work) and $84 to make sure that Sarah M received the items in time to find someone who could bind them for her. That job cost my wife $134 plus the cost of shipping the material to be embroidered, the cost of embroidering roughly 70 sleep masks, and the return shipping costs. Thanks for the one job, Kathleen. If you had sent any more we may have gone bankrupt.
Getting back to the attempt to sabotage Gidget professionally. As part of her exchange with Gidget this evening, she sent two emails, one of which Gidget posted in the comment section to show Kathleen’s true intentions. In the email to Evelyn, Kathleen states,
I don’t know what to make of the above but her actions should be a heads up as to whether you want to be involved with her. For my part, if I’d blown up in public with slander and libel as she has, I would have gone broke years ago, who would trust me assuming I didn’t get sued first?
Gidget’s “actions” were calling Kathleen out for deleting her post and wondering if this was a common practice for her at the Fashion Incubator. She did not “blow up in public” with slander and libel, she simply stated fact. Fact that I must once again point out was admitted too by Fasanella herself.
It seems to me that Kathleen Fasanella has a personal chip on her shoulder for my wife. I don’t know why she would stoop so low as to attempt to sabotage her with a fellow colleague, and I have no idea why she would presume to know all the facts in the Sarah M design debacle. But I do know one thing. She has not been slandered, she has not been libeled, but if she wants to play that game she needs to realize that she is treading on thin ice when it comes to sabotaging my wife’s business.
In the comment thread Kathleen Fasanella points out that actions speak louder than words. Gidget’s sole action was questioning the deletion of a post, while Fasanella’s actions have included calling my wife’s character into question, issuing veiled threats, and attempting to sabotage her business. She’s right, actions do speak louder than words. Thank you for speaking so loudly, Kathleen.
I don’t know about you, but if I had to choose who to be involved with professionally, I would much rather associate myself with the honest person who “blows up in public” rather than the shady character who “lurks in the shadows of the delete key”.
But that’s just me, and you know me, I don’t compromise my principles.