Don’t Touch Those Twinkies

Attention Parents: If you just cannot take parenting for another moment, you have a way out.

Yes, you now have an option if you just can’t take parenting anymore. Yes, there is a way for you to escape the hassle of raising the child you brought into the world. Yes, you have an “out” when it comes to being the responsible parent everyone else says you have to be.

Are you tired of trying to make enough money to put food on the table for your kids?

Have you had it with your teenager causing you more grief than you care to admit?

Don’t you wish you could just say “enough is enough” and go back to the days when you were young and carefree and didn’t have all that responsibility holding you down?

Well, don’t you worry for another minute. The state of Nebraska has just initiated a new program that will eliminate all aspects of parental responsibility, just for you.

Nebraska’s new “safe-haven” law allowing parents to abandon unwanted children at hospitals with no questions asked is unique in a significant way: It goes beyond babies and potentially permits the abandonment of anyone under 19.

That’s right. Gone are the days of “doing the responsible thing”, or living up to the expectations of society. Society (in Nebraska anyway) no longer requires you to fulfill your obligation as a parent. As long as you don’t abuse them or hurt them in any way, you are now free to abandon them at any hospital in the state. Awesome huh?

So the next time you come home to find that your 15 year old ate all of the Hostess Twinkies, don’t smack him upside his head, just haul his ass up to your closest hospital and be done with the little bastard. It’s all about you man. Those are your Twinkies!